Greetings Campers,   

Pull up your trusty Coleman camp chair and enjoy a piping hot cup of Millstone coffee. My multitude of reader has probably wondered why the good Captn has been negligent lately in his posts.

Never fear little campers, nothing has changed…

I still hate Tom Brady! The big weasely, sissyfied goat loving, harbinger of the end of the world antichrist who just had a perfect season,Tom Brady. Tom Brady who most certainly sold his soul to the Devil for this perfect season. The only good thing about the Pats perfect season is it will be so much more sweet, when Payton Manning and the Indianapolis Colts crush them at their home field and go on to win the Superbowl. (Cause thats how the Devil Rolls!)

The good Captn still dislikes stupid people and feels they should all be shipped to the Republic of North Dakota.

The Captn still wants the Fair Tax passed, so he is rooting for Mike Huckabee.

The Captn still feels the snowmen hunters are on to something. (Were just not sure what!)

Spadout.com, coleman.com, and cabelas.com are still the official places to buy camping goods.

Angie is NOT Evil!

Scott Adams is an evil genius!

Camping in the winter is a good thing.

Nope I still believe in all those things.The only thing that has changed is that the trusty Camp Dork Jayson has “acquired” a Dell server for the sole dedicated use of The Winter Campers Quarterly. What this means to all of you multitudes of reader, is that we will now be located at a new web address. In short WE HAVE MOVED TO www.wintercampersquarterly.com.

Visit us at our new address for the usual incoherent rantings!

Greetings Campers….

I hate Mondays. Does anyone else hate them as much as I do? The only thing to look forward to is Monday Night Football. After that we are screwed for the rest of the week.

I think part of the reason the good Captn hates Mondays is the ever unpopular sales meeting. The Captn is back in sales. I used to be a sales manager, but the weight of the gienormus target on my back was getting heavy. Now I am back in the roll of simple sales person. In my industry we have Monday morning sales meetings. It was bad enough when I ran the meetings, but now it is 10 times worse when I have to attend them. I would like to think that my meetings were entertaining and enlightening, but I think that would be just a little self delusional. Almost all meetings are crap. In todays environment of technology, everything… every last bit of information provided in a meeting can be done online or via email. No need for everyone to sit together. As some wise man somewhere once said, “None of us is as dumb as all of us!” Bahhhh… Arggggeehei…. @#$&#$!!!!

Whew. Glad I got that off my chest.

Well enough of my grumbling. Lets talk football.

In my little brain, I have deluded myself with a wish that the Evil New England Patriots go undefeated in regular season. Then get bumped off in the playoffs and not make it to the Superbowl. I think that could be the only thing sweeter than having someone like Miami break their winning streak (Or Lil Tommys leg).

Enjoy!

Greetings Campers,

I love it when it snows. Its great. Just by driving around you can spot lots of RND candidates. They come in two forms. The ones that are creeping around slowly on the roads. These are the ones that don’t understand the relationship between motion and mass. They somehow believe that by slowly creeping up a hill with their car the tires will magically grab on slick pavement. When everybody knows that you need a certain amount of momentum to get up the hill. This momentum is usually stolen by one of the afore mentioned RND candidates who are in the way.

The second form of RND candidate also doesn’t understand the relationship between motion and mass. These feel that a big SUV can drive through anything. As I am constantly telling my daughter… “These are four wheel drive, not four wheel stop.” I love watching those guys take their vehicle places where when they become stuck, no one can reach them. It makes me laugh.

Snow is great. The added risk of a crash or freezing always adds zest to a normal dull commute to work. Enjoy the snow. Here is something from the Snowmen Hunters that should perk up your day.

Greetings Campers,

It’s a cold overcast day. Sitting back in the trusty Coleman camp chair sipping piping hot Millstone coffee from the black tin cup with white specs and reviewing Pre-Camp 07 in my mind. One word sums it up. RAIN!!!

Yep, rain, rain and more rain.

Where have all the real campers gone. In the immortal words of Wilderness Doug’s wife Angie, “Just you two idiots again?”
Yep! Just us two idiots again. All the sudo campers and camper wannabes “Bucked” out this weekend. Camp Dork Jayson, No show! (Girlfriend’s Christmas Party) The Boy! No Show! (Spent big $ on tixs to boring Christmas Show then jilted by date) We are assuming he is in a man cave somewhere searching for what’s left of his dignity. TRod No Show again! ( No excuse, just no show. Probally afraid to leave house since his wife mounted his penis above fireplace) Camper Mike? One word. WOOOOSIEEE!!! Nuf said. Sergeant at Arms Cornholio partial show. Again pups out due to spousal Christmas party. We got to give Corny partial credit. He did come down to the camp for a few drinks after his spousal commitment was satisfied. Camp Dog Ringo. Banished from camp due to an aromatic infraction. Dogs as a general rule are somewhat smelly. Unfortunatly camp dog Ringo tried to take stink to a whole different playing field. Camp has all sorts of smells, most of them bad, but this dog smelled like he was sprayed by a skunk, killed it, crapped on it, left it on the road during August for a week and then rolled all over it. I don’t know that I have ever smelled anything so foul!!!

Being grizzled camp veterans the rain was of no concern for the two senior campers. Wilderness Doug brought some tarps, which we quickly strung up between some trees to create an overhead shelter. We cut a center post to allow the rain to run off in any direction and it was camp. Wilderness Doug brought two new devices to camp this year that were invaluable. The camp chain-saw and camp maul. As campers we have traditionally used the burn through method to make large logs smaller. This time we took large logs, split them into smaller logs and had a fire that was second to none.

Our camp design was to use the tarp to create a dry space to sit under. The fire pit was positioned approximately six feet outside the tarp area. This allowed us to sit in the comfort of our Coleman camp chairs and bask in the warmth of the fire. The weather was almost as poor as camp conditions can get. 34 degrees and wet. The only other thing that could have made it worse would have been high winds. Fortunately we had low wind and stayed dry mostly.

WD brought ribs which we smoked over the fire for between 4 and 6 hours. (No watches or cell phones allowed in camp)
During that time the campers enjoyed a combination of cocktails. Mass quantities of Gin, Whiskey, and Beer, Oh My! The ribs turned out chewy but very tasty. We had rice and gravy as side dishes. Snacks consisted of peanuts in shell, swagger and socialbles. We also cooked up a marinated pork loin, but it was uneaten. Breakfast consisted of traditional bacon eggs and tortillas. Both Captn Rob and Wilderness Doug developed some sort of ailment in the morning. We both experienced pounding headaches with a somewhat sensitive stomach. It musta been something we ate!

Over all it was a good camp. We held the usual camp councel, attempted to save the world, explored ways to take over the world once it was saved, planned winter camp 08, and argued. I’ll tell you more about that in my next post.

Till then…. Good Camping.

Greetings Campers,

In honor of the holiday spirit I composed this little ditty. It sounds surprisingly like a lot like the song the 12 days of Christmas. I’m sure its just a coincidence.

On the first day of Hatebradyday my true love gave to he… A torn carti-lage in his left knee. 

On the second day of Hatebradyday my true love gave to he … Two broken fingers, and A torn carti-lage in his left knee.

On the third day of Hatebradyday my true love gave to he… Three bruised ribs, Two broken fingers, and A Torn carti-lage in his left knee.

On the fourth day of Hatebradyday my true love gave to he… Four Blitzing Linebackers. Three bruised ribs, Two broken fingers, and A Torn carti-lage in his left knee.

On the fifth day of Hatebradyday my true love gave to he… A FIVE YARD PENNNNALTYYYYYY!!! Four Blitzing Linebackers, Three bruised ribs, two broken fingers, and A Torn carti-lage in his left knee.

On the sixth day of Hatebradyday my true love gave to he… Six interceptions, A FIVE YARD PENNNALTYYYYYY!!! Four Blitzing Linebackers, Three bruised ribs, two broken fingers, and A Torn carti-lage in his left knee.

On the seventh day of Hatebradyday my true love gave to he… Seven deflected footballs, Six interceptions, A FIVE YARD PENNNALTYYYYYY!!! Four Blitzing Linebackers, Three bruised ribs, Two broken fingers, and A Torn carti-lage in his left knee.

On the eighth day of Hatebradyday my true love gave to he… Eight paternity lawsuits, Seven deflected footballs, six interceptions, A FIVE YARD PENNNALTYYYYYY!!! Four Blitzing Linebackers, Three Bruised ribs, Two broken fingers, and A Torn Carti-lage in his left knee.

On the ninth day of Hatebradyday my true love gave to he… Nine goats for dating, Eight paternity lawsuits, Seven deflected footballs, Six interceptions, A FIVE YARD PENNNALTYYYYYY!!! Four Blitzing Linebackers, Three bruised ribs, Two broken fingers, and A Torn carti-lage in his left knee.

On the tenth day of Hatebradyday my true love gave to he… TEN yards for holding, Nine goats for dating, Eight paternity lawsuits, seven deflected footballs, Six interceptions, A FIVE YARD PENNNALTYYYYY!!!!! Four Blitzing Linebackers, Three bruised ribs, Two broken fingers, AND A TORN CARTI-LAGE IN HIS LEFT KNEE!!!!

Happy Hatebradyday Everyone!

Greetings Campers,

The good Captn is back from pre-camp 07. I will get around to reporting on pre-camp in my next post, but I have some urgent business that needs addressing before anything else gets accomplished.

It seems that Wilderness Doug’s charming and delightful wife Angie has taken umbrage to some of the Captn’s comments. By general consensus it has been decided that the use of the term “Angie is Evil” was taken woefully out of context by Wilderness Doug’s beautiful and understanding spouse. While I have the utmost respect for Wilderness Doug’s better half, I can see how there was a misunderstanding. Angie obviously is fluent in camper, but because she doesn’t speak camper every day, she may not be fully versed in the nuances of camper. When I use the term “Evil” I was acknowledging and honoring Angie’s superior intellect. Anyone who can see through Wilderness Doug’s line of BS on such a regular basis is someone to be honored, and yes possibly feared. When I was speaking about Wilderness Doug’s lovely and forgiving wife Angie as being “Evil”, I meant no disrespect. In fact quite the opposite is true. It is one of the highest honors given to persons of the opposite sex in camper speak. It is on par with a camper saying something like John Wayne or Clint Eastwood are “Bad Men”. When used in that context, the term bad is good. In the instance of WD’s caring and merciful wife Angie the term “Evil” is the same as respected or good.

Well I hope that clears everything up. Remember ladies when you have dealings with campers there is always the chance of misunderstandings arising. Just remember if a camper says anything that can be taken two ways, one of the ways is good, the other way is bad, we meant the good one. If both of the ways are bad, we probably didn’t know what we were saying in the first place anyway, but what we meant to say was something good.

Greetings Campers,

Happy Pre-camp eve. I hope all you little campers have stuffed your stockings… deep in your back pack, dug out last years camp cookware, cleaned most of the crust off, and checked the sleeping bag for little woodland critters. Cause its Pre-Camp Eve!!!

Todays headline is a little different than most WCQ headlines. The reason is that I thought I would highlight some of the possible topics up for discussion around the campfire.

Both Senior Campers have discussed an addition to the camp that is a sensitive subject. Sensitive because of two reasons.
1. It is a politically incorrect topic.
2. It is a maritally incorrect topic.
The topic I refer to is the camp squaw. We have always felt that having a camp squaw would be a great addition to the camp. We understand that term “camp squaw” can have a bad connotation in our politicly correct times, but we mean only to pay tribute to the great westerns we all grew up with. In the old westerns, the camp squaw was a revered member of the camp. Providing food for the campers and keeping their male egos in check, all the while showing her intellectual superiority over all the men. In this light we feel a camp squaw would be a great addition to camp. Problem #2. The Senior Campers wives read the WCQ and while not willing to step up and volunteer for camp squaw duties, would still frown on the addition of an actual camp squaw. Now my beautiful, charming, intelligent, and loving bride is the forgiving type, Wilderness Doug’s is not. I think I mentioned that WD’s wife Angie is evil. She is not the type of gal to kick him to the curb or out if she becomes displeased with him. She is more of the type to stay closed by and torture him for the rest of his sorry miserable life until he is embraced by the peace that death will bring. This being said the senior campers are going to debate the addition of a fantasy camp squaw. I will start the nomination with two who I feel would look good in buckskin. Young Demi Moore Very Young Cher

Based on the above pictures, I think Demi Moore is a hands down winner. Who else should be nominated for buckskin?

Taxes

There is a big disagreement on this one in camp. Captn Rob is a believer in the “Fair Tax” Wilderness Doug is not. We will discuss this more fully at camp.

World Oil Demand and Supply

This topic plays to Wilderness Doug’s strength as he works in the oil industry. The god Captn has uncoverd information that indicates that oil is a renewable resource. I can already feel the disdain that will be piled on me for this one!

National Health Care.

Does anyone really have a clue on this one? I feel government needs to stay out of it. WD feels government is the answer. Bla, Bla, Bla…

Mike Huckabee See Taxes

Sports Tom Brady, New England Patriots, and why we hate them. Indianapolis Colts, Chicago Bears, and why we love them and are disappointed by them.

George Bush, war, and all the rest, I will report on on Monday. Have a good weekend. I’ll check in on Monday!

YES!!!

It’s camping time!!!

Greetings Campers,

Just sitting here in my trusty Coleman camp chair, sipping some Millstone coffee, and wondering…Why Lord Why!!! You can’t really let the little weasel, his cheating coach and assorted other miscreants go undefeated!!!Yes the hated New England Patriots sneaked by the Ravens.

Ray Lewis where were you last night? We need a slobbering junk yard dog to take a bite of of the evil Tom Brady.

Hopeful the Steelers can come through!

Well here are a few links to other like minded Brady haters. This first one is weak, but it has a great picture of Jessica Simpson.

Stop back to ihatetombrady.com Always funny. I also swiped borrowed this next visual off the site. As a camper the whole ethics of what “is, is” and when something “is” someone else’s “is” somewhat vague. So I fell back to Camp Law #1. So in the event that the “borrowing” of this image is inappropriate, please visit ihatetomebrady.com and buy some merchandise when it becomes available.I thought this image is so appropriate for Winter Campers.