Can you hate Tom Brady too much?

Posted on November 21, 2007. Filed under: Captn Rob Rant's | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , |

Greetings Campers,

The good Captn is back in his trusty Coleman camp chair relaxing by a fire. I have a piping hot cup of Millstone Chocolate Velvet coffee in my black tin cup with white specs. (Yea THATS right Folgers. Millstone!) A fire is crackling, wind is blowing, my beers are cold and frosty, without the need of ice. Oh Yea, camping in the winter.

I have been having a good time picking on Tom Brady recently. Like everything else the good Captn does, I pick things to do that are fun and easy. But it made me start to think….. Hmmm. Hmmmm…. Oh sorry, it’s hard for the Captn to think and write at the same time. I guess that explains a lot about my writing. Anyway, who else is out there that we can hate? Tom Brady has some haters because of his wearing of a New York Yankees cap. I’m OK with someone hating him for that. But
didn’t Rudy Giuliany do something similar? Should we hate him as much as the evil goat hugging Tom Brady? I like Rudy and hope he becomes our next president, so I hope thats not all it takes to turn someone from being… say a Peyton Manning into a Tom Brady.

I also worry that if I spend so much time picking on Satin’s boy toy, I run the risk of being labeled as narrow minded. I mean look at al the other boneheads out there, Michael Vic, Barry Bonds, A-Rod, Curt Schilling,Tony Romo, Jeff Gordon. I don’t know. It is so hard to choose.

I have a hypothetical question for the camp. If you had to say unkind things about someone and, something like a restraining order was keeping you from picking on Tom Brad, who would you choose to pick on?

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6 Responses to “Can you hate Tom Brady too much?”

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Just got done blogging away on my distain for Brady’s mentor, Bill Belichick. Brady is just a tool, a pawn in Bill’s evil plan for world domination. I believe he has been brainwashed into his role as executioner of Belichick’s childish mission to show the NFL he can beat all opponents by as much as he wants without cheating…like we don’t think he’s STILL cheating. Brady may very well be a decent guy who is simply caught up in the circumstances of being employed by a madman. I can’t possibly hate any sports figure more than Belichick right now…a man who has single handedly set out to eliminate sportsmanship from sports.

First, I would like to express my gratitude to Cap’n Rob and the Winter Campers Council for bestowing upon me the great title of Honorary Camper. I found myself beaming with pride upon hearing the news, as well as being humbled by the great honor. I’ll be honest…I wept.
That being said, I feel that as an Honorary Camper, it is my duty to contribute a bit of knowledge on a topic that seems to be prevalent in this article: Tom Brady. As an avid Tom Brady hater (for the record…I am a cultured gentleman and one who hates another just for being for being Gay…this is not why I hate Tom Brady…there are many, many reasons) I feel it is my duty to present the facts of Tom Brady’s life in a way that might enlighten the other campers and help them understand why Tom is such a Douche.
You might find some of the facts in this biography ironic, and you might enter a state of bemusement, but I assure you that irregardless of your previous misconceptions, this article is presented in its pristine state. If you are in some way offended by the plethora of information contained, and are shocked by the enormity of the facts, then I invite you to remember that most people are nonplussed by how Sir Tom can be such a bastard. I now invite you to peruse this article titled “Tom Brady…Football player and Fanny Bandit”. Deceptively.
Thomas Edward Brady, Jr. was born on August 3, 1977 in a town in California. Surprise….the prick’s from California. His early childhood was fairly normal…Tommi (as he preferred to be called) spent most of his time playing with Barbie and Ken dolls. Oddly enough, in most of his interactions with his dolls, he fantasized about being Ken, getting Barbie pregnant, leaving her before the baby came, and going off to live with his true love, GI Joe. Tom had three older sisters, and the children of the Brady family shared two passions…sports and men.
Thomas became a football fan at an early age (around 3 or so) when his father, Tom Brady, took him to a 49ers game. Tom found himself attracted to the role of the great Quarterback Joe Montana. He was actually present for the event now known simply as “The Catch” (for those who don’t know their early 80s football trivia….the Script Right Option play that went horrible wrong for Montana until he was able to find receiver Dwight Clark in the back of the end zone for a finger-tip catch. For those of the Colts persuasion, imagine what Marvin does every day and pretend that it was Morehead doing the catching…it was amazing.). It was just after “The Catch” that Tom decided he wanted to be a quarterback. This was on account of the players slapping the bottom of the Great Montana as he walked onto the sideline. Tom thought to himself, “Wow…I can be gay, have lots of big men hit my ass, and no one will have to know about it!”. Tom simply underestimated how gay he would turn out to be.
The rest of his younger years were pretty much the same. Tommi played with dolls, worked on his football skills. It was during his High School years (at the All Boys Catholic school he went to) that Tom realized that not only did he like being tapped on the bottom by the other players on his team, but he could also tap the other player’s bottoms. Another important note during this time is that Tom also excelled at baseball. I am sure that no one will be surprised to know that Tom’s position of choice was catcher…he just loved having those balls flying at his face.
Another side note…the All-boys Catholic school he went to has a history of producing A-Holes. This would be the same high school B-Bon attended.
I have come to the end of the first part of Tom’s life, and have decided to go ahead and split this bio into parts to avoid too long of an article. Therefore, I am signing off for now. However, you can look forward to part 2, titled “Tom Brady, The College Years”.
Once again, I am honored to be considered Honorary Camper, and hope that the council of the elders is appeased by this submission.
Thank you, and Goodnight.
Jonny Goode (AKA J-Goo)

Wow,

Two of the best comments the dear ol Captn has read.

J-Goo you bring a tear to my eye each time you write. Can’t wait for part two.

Cap,

Gotta agree. J-Goo has camp potential. Did you notice how he worked in several of the nine words? Very nice.

You might find some of the facts in this biography ironic, and you might enter a state of bemusement, but I assure you that irregardless of your previous misconceptions, this article is presented in its pristine state. If you are in some way offended by the plethora of information contained, and are shocked by the enormity of the facts, then I invite you to remember that most people are nonplussed by how Sir Tom can be such a bastard. I now invite you to peruse this article titled “Tom Brady…Football player and Fanny Bandit”. Deceptively.

Cap,

Performed a pre-camp inspection with Sargent at Arms Cornolio yesterday. Corny was convinced that the camp site contained WMD. He was getting ready to call in an air strike when I convinced him to allow for some UN inspectors to check it out. The inspectors reported that there was no indication of WMD at this time. Corny, of course, knew the UN was lying and aurgued that Al-Queda had infiltrated the camp site and moved the WMD to the other side of the creek. He quickly called up 2 more divisions of campers and crossed the creek to open up a major can of wup ass on the unsuspecting woodland creatures . He claimed that we would be greeted as liberators. All was well for about 3 minutes when it appeared that the quail, phesants and wild turkeys were pissed off at the squirrels, chipmunks and racoons. I found out later that this fued has been going on for years. The birds were apparently pissed about the ground pounders getting the majority of the leftover food from campsites and not sharing. Soon we were stuck in the middle of a serious conflict. Injuries began to pile up as campers were subject to persicion guided crap bombs and nut sack sneak attacks. I implored Corny to pull out and let this civil war run its course. His only comment was “If we leave now, Al-Queda will win”.

As the day began to wind down, many of the campers wanted to go home to watch football and drink beer, my heart sank a bit as I saw this once pround unit holding their nut sacks and wiping bird shit from there camp hats. I finally talked Corny into just inspecting the wood pile for IED’s and calling it a day. After the inspection, he climbed to the top of the pile and proclaimed ” Mission Accomplished”.

Where does he come up with this crap?

WD

Wilderness Doug,

I am sorry to hear of the sorry state of affairs at the camp site 1. I thought we left the very capable camp Dog in charge. He was supposed to keep the bickering between the two factions down using an iron paw. It saddens me that Corny was able to win the war but was unable to keep the peace.

These WMD’s you speak of…. These are Weapons of Mass Dougisims. People who use words like plethora, beausment, and irregaurdless. (See post titled words mean things) People who use terms like “You’ve got a couple of good points there.”, Hurummph, and the ever popular “The great State of Intoxication would like to address the floor….” I think there is a sector of our society that feels strongly that we need to protect ourselves from these so called WMD’s. Cornys pogrom towards this perceived menace, while misguided, is completely understandable.

I think you may be coming down a little hard on Corny though. Don’t the little heathens Corny liberated from the yoke of WMDs have some responsibility for getting along with each other?


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    There is a fine line between bravery and stupidity, and we are stomping all over it.

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