Wilderness Doug’s Wisdom

Wilderness Doug weighs in on below freezing…

Posted on November 30, 2007. Filed under: Wilderness Doug's Wisdom | Tags: , , , , , , , , , |

Greetings Campers,

Wilderness Doug checked in with more wisdom.



The other innovation from that camp was the beer slushy. I remember having to strain the ice crystals through the teeth to get to the golden necture. I think the unbreakable egg was also invented at that camp. Just get the Kinsu out and peel it like a potato. I believe I used 2 as ice cubes for the morning Jack and coffee. Week to Pre-Camp, brushing up on the Robert’s rulle of Order, Put gas line antifreeze in the 4 wheeler, run a gear check on Thursday, Forage of friday.


Wilderness Doug – November 30, 2007 at 9:44 am

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Wilderness Doug and the woe of camper Buck…

Posted on November 28, 2007. Filed under: Wilderness Doug's Wisdom | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , |

Greetings Campers,

Senior camper Wilderness Doug and yours truly have been discussing the status of our current crop of rookies. It has come to my attention that Camp Dork/Former first year man JaysonCamp Dork

has started doing what we senior campers call “The Waffle”. As grizzled veterans of camping in the winter, we have seen it all before. Some of you sissies might call this an intervention, but we campers just call it, setting some panty waist straight.

I am going to reprint for you some earlier comments between Wilderness Doug and the good Captn. These comments will explain much.

Wilderness Doug says….

Yesterday I was thinking about this camp as it rained all morning. Excellent timing. I think of a couple of innovations that came from this one.
1. Rain fly or tarp is always on the pack list, even if it is below zero. Even if it does not rain the tarp can still be used to wrap frozen corpes for the drag out at the end of camp.
2. Rubber boots are far superior than leather under these conditions.
3. If you are a rookie or low man, you should always make sure that senior camper booze is available.

About 10 days to pre-camp. Remember this is a self forage camp. Any status on Rookie Jason? Any patch ideas? Right now I just have the 2 made camper patches from 07′.

Wilderness Doug – November 27, 2007 at 9:48 am

Captn Rob responds…

Wilderness Doug,

I have sad news to report. Camp Dork/ Former first year man Jayson may be turning to the “BUCKSIDE” I know what your thinking…. I thought we had eradicated this menace to campers years ago in a land far far away. But it has returned.

Camp Dork/Former first year man Jayson has started the waffle. He is bringing up some lame excuse about “the girlfriends” company Christmas party. Isn’t this how we lost Buck? First it was Buck giving up on the long rambling tirades about “The Greatest Company Ever” Cummings! Then he missed one pre-camp. Soon he missed a Winter Camp Actual. Busted in rank and eventually lost entirely.

It’s too difficult for the Captn to recount the tragedy of Buck. If you have it in you Wilderness Doug… Would you recount for Camp Dork/Former first year man Jayson the sad tale of Buck when he followed “the girlfriend” out of state?

Captn Rob – November 27, 2007 at 12:51 pm

Wilderness Doug responds with this wisdom…


The Buckwheat saga is a sad one and should be a lesson to all campers.

The tale begins with Buck at the ripe old age of 30 finally getting a girlfriend. The fact it took this long is not surprising if you know Buck. The gal was at least 15 years older than Buck and he felt that true love had finally found a way into his backpack. After a few years his dreamboat decided she was going to move to Texas. Buck, who had a good job with “The worlds greatest company” decided he would go with her. He quits the job and moves to Texas and buys a house. Once down there she decides she wants to go to school to get a teaching degree. Buck cashs out his 401K and retirement and funds the education. (You see where this is going). Once the degree is in hand she decides that maybe Buck isn’t the one for her. She dumps Buck and disappears. Buck grovels to her parents to try and get her back but to no avail. Broken and beaten, Buck returns home and is destin to live a miserable lonely life.

So, young camper Jayson, let this be a lesson. Life will throw many twists and turns at you. Camp is the one steady, consistant bedrock you can count on. Unless your said girlfriend comes with a chain of family liquior stores, a good string of bird dogs, telescoping legs, a nice boat, is mute, looks good in buckskin, and a couple of good ponds then take heed. If she does come with all the above……does she have a sister?


Wilderness Doug – November 28, 2007 at 9:59 am

Camp Dork/ Former first year man Jayson, Take heed of the wisdom of Wilderness Doug. I will show you the last picture we had of camper Buck when he returned a battered and broken 36 year old.images.jpeg

Don’t let Buck happen to you!

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Wilderness Doug Speaks I

Posted on November 14, 2007. Filed under: Wilderness Doug's Wisdom | Tags: , , , , , |

Greetings Campers,

Wilderness Doug has once again seeped forward to impart his wisdom on us all. He posted his thoughts in the comments section of who’s a winter camper. I did not want his wise and powerful message to get lost in the clutter of the rest of the quarterly, so I am posting here for your enjoyment. Here it is, in it unedited original frontier gibberish.


Perhaps this question has been asked over the ages more than any other contemplative question. Great thinkers pondering the very soul and origin of our very being had to brush up against this subject on more than one occassion. You can just envision Socrotes (sic) or Plato sitting on their stone camp stools wondering why, Why would normally sane and gainfully employed people reject the creature comforts of shelter and camp in the winter?

Fear not, I have researched this topic extensively over the last 25 years and while the recorded record is spotty, I think I have a senario developed that is not only plausible but likely based on know recorded historical facts.

Winter camping in the current context developed during the times of the ancient Greek philosiphers mentioned above. Socrates, Plato and Aristotle were getting together for there normal Thursday night card game with their buddies. Things were progressing as usual with quantites of Ale and spirits being consumed and Aristotle up about a 100 bucks. At some point Mrs. Plato came home from the theater with Mrs. Socrotes and Mrs. Aristotle at which point they decided they wanted to play as well. This shook the ancients at there very core. In short order Mrs. Plato and Mrs. Socrotes realized that there husbands were losing money and began a series of personel attacks regarding there manhood. Aristotle sat back and quickly recognized that this could have just as easily been him as well. If fact, after one blistering flurry on his buddies he made the mistake of jumping to their defense and was quickly routed by his inspired wife who was already worked into a lather by the beat down being administered.

The next day the batered men were back at work thinking when one of them exclaimed “Damn, we gotta think of a way to get out of the house”. Another exclaimed “It has got to be something the wives will never want to do or they will just follow us”. The third said “It also needs to be so stupid they will think there is a possibility that we might die”

And thus boys and girls Winter Camping was born.

Stay tuned next week for Chapter 2 “The Great Explorers – Fearless, Intrepid, Adventurers or Just Campers”


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Wilderness Doug Found!!!

Posted on November 11, 2007. Filed under: Wilderness Doug's Wisdom | Tags: , , , , |


Pull up your Coleman camp chair, pour yourself a piping hot cup of Folgers coffee and take in the wisdom of Wilderness Doug.

The grizzled camp veteran has finally come out of the deep wilderness of Casie Il to participate in our long and rambling discussion. He posted his thoughts in the open letter to Wilderness Doug post. I didn’t want any of you to miss his wisdom, so I have had Camp Dork/ First Year Man Jayson duplicate for you here.

“Ole Wise and Mighty Capt’n,

How nice to see the Quarterly get it’s day in the sun. Setting here hung over, it almost feels like a camp. I will try and address the topics you have crafted for discussion.

1. The Hillary Question – I have mixed feelings on this one. Neither option would seem to be a good fit for a camper. If I follow camp law it would seem that I would have to go with Hill on this due to the pay back rule. All you right wing nuts stuck me with Bush for the last 7 years so I am obligated to return the favor. Additionally Musharraf needs a shave.

2. It is good to see the North Dakota idea get some legs. As you have named it a republic I believe it should have a representative government. RND will have a balance of power. A co-president may be in order, say Mikael Moore and Rush Limbaugh for the first term.

3. Global Warming as you know is just a conspiresy made up by the ice manufacturers and the air conditioning lobbies.

4. For camping gear a spare liver would be nice.”

There you have it campers. The original frontier gibberish from grizzled camper Wilderness Doug.

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    There is a fine line between bravery and stupidity, and we are stomping all over it.


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