I love the snow

Posted on December 15, 2007. Filed under: Captn Rob Rant's | Tags: , , , , , , |

Greetings Campers,

I love it when it snows. Its great. Just by driving around you can spot lots of RND candidates. They come in two forms. The ones that are creeping around slowly on the roads. These are the ones that don’t understand the relationship between motion and mass. They somehow believe that by slowly creeping up a hill with their car the tires will magically grab on slick pavement. When everybody knows that you need a certain amount of momentum to get up the hill. This momentum is usually stolen by one of the afore mentioned RND candidates who are in the way.

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The second form of RND candidate also doesn’t understand the relationship between motion and mass. These feel that a big SUV can drive through anything. As I am constantly telling my daughter… “These are four wheel drive, not four wheel stop.” I love watching those guys take their vehicle places where when they become stuck, no one can reach them. It makes me laugh.

Snow is great. The added risk of a crash or freezing always adds zest to a normal dull commute to work. Enjoy the snow. Here is something from the Snowmen Hunters that should perk up your day.

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Winter Pre-Camp 07

Posted on December 14, 2007. Filed under: Camping, General Posts | Tags: , , , , , , , , , |

Greetings Campers,

It’s a cold overcast day. Sitting back in the trusty Coleman camp chair sipping piping hot Millstone coffee from the black tin cup with white specs and reviewing Pre-Camp 07 in my mind. One word sums it up. RAIN!!!

Yep, rain, rain and more rain.
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Where have all the real campers gone. In the immortal words of Wilderness Doug’s wife Angie, “Just you two idiots again?”
Yep! Just us two idiots again. All the sudo campers and camper wannabes “Bucked” out this weekend. Camp Dork Jayson, No show! (Girlfriend’s Christmas Party) The Boy! No Show! (Spent big $ on tixs to boring Christmas Show then jilted by date) We are assuming he is in a man cave somewhere searching for what’s left of his dignity. TRod No Show again! ( No excuse, just no show. Probally afraid to leave house since his wife mounted his penis above fireplace) Camper Mike? One word. WOOOOSIEEE!!! Nuf said. Sergeant at Arms Cornholio partial show. Again pups out due to spousal Christmas party. We got to give Corny partial credit. He did come down to the camp for a few drinks after his spousal commitment was satisfied. Camp Dog Ringo. Banished from camp due to an aromatic infraction. Dogs as a general rule are somewhat smelly. Unfortunatly camp dog Ringo tried to take stink to a whole different playing field. Camp has all sorts of smells, most of them bad, but this dog smelled like he was sprayed by a skunk, killed it, crapped on it, left it on the road during August for a week and then rolled all over it. I don’t know that I have ever smelled anything so foul!!!

Being grizzled camp veterans the rain was of no concern for the two senior campers. Wilderness Doug brought some tarps, which we quickly strung up between some trees to create an overhead shelter. We cut a center post to allow the rain to run off in any direction and it was camp. Wilderness Doug brought two new devices to camp this year that were invaluable. The camp chain-saw and camp maul. As campers we have traditionally used the burn through method to make large logs smaller. This time we took large logs, split them into smaller logs and had a fire that was second to none.

Our camp design was to use the tarp to create a dry space to sit under. The fire pit was positioned approximately six feet outside the tarp area. This allowed us to sit in the comfort of our Coleman camp chairs and bask in the warmth of the fire. The weather was almost as poor as camp conditions can get. 34 degrees and wet. The only other thing that could have made it worse would have been high winds. Fortunately we had low wind and stayed dry mostly.

WD brought ribs which we smoked over the fire for between 4 and 6 hours. (No watches or cell phones allowed in camp)
During that time the campers enjoyed a combination of cocktails. Mass quantities of Gin, Whiskey, and Beer, Oh My! The ribs turned out chewy but very tasty. We had rice and gravy as side dishes. Snacks consisted of peanuts in shell, swagger and socialbles. We also cooked up a marinated pork loin, but it was uneaten. Breakfast consisted of traditional bacon eggs and tortillas. Both Captn Rob and Wilderness Doug developed some sort of ailment in the morning. We both experienced pounding headaches with a somewhat sensitive stomach. It musta been something we ate!

Over all it was a good camp. We held the usual camp councel, attempted to save the world, explored ways to take over the world once it was saved, planned winter camp 08, and argued. I’ll tell you more about that in my next post.

Till then…. Good Camping.

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Demi Moore, Taxes, World Oil Demand, National Health Care, Mike Huckabee, Sports, George Bush, Conservatives, Liberals, Boat Drinks, War, World Domination…

Posted on December 7, 2007. Filed under: Camping, General Posts | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , |

Greetings Campers,

Happy Pre-camp eve. I hope all you little campers have stuffed your stockings… deep in your back pack, dug out last years camp cookware, cleaned most of the crust off, and checked the sleeping bag for little woodland critters. Cause its Pre-Camp Eve!!!

Todays headline is a little different than most WCQ headlines. The reason is that I thought I would highlight some of the possible topics up for discussion around the campfire.

Both Senior Campers have discussed an addition to the camp that is a sensitive subject. Sensitive because of two reasons.
1. It is a politically incorrect topic.
2. It is a maritally incorrect topic.
The topic I refer to is the camp squaw. We have always felt that having a camp squaw would be a great addition to the camp. We understand that term “camp squaw” can have a bad connotation in our politicly correct times, but we mean only to pay tribute to the great westerns we all grew up with. In the old westerns, the camp squaw was a revered member of the camp. Providing food for the campers and keeping their male egos in check, all the while showing her intellectual superiority over all the men. In this light we feel a camp squaw would be a great addition to camp. Problem #2. The Senior Campers wives read the WCQ and while not willing to step up and volunteer for camp squaw duties, would still frown on the addition of an actual camp squaw. Now my beautiful, charming, intelligent, and loving bride is the forgiving type, Wilderness Doug’s is not. I think I mentioned that WD’s wife Angie is evil. She is not the type of gal to kick him to the curb or out if she becomes displeased with him. She is more of the type to stay closed by and torture him for the rest of his sorry miserable life until he is embraced by the peace that death will bring. This being said the senior campers are going to debate the addition of a fantasy camp squaw. I will start the nomination with two who I feel would look good in buckskin. Young Demi Moore demi_moore.jpg Very Young Cher cher.jpg

Based on the above pictures, I think Demi Moore is a hands down winner. Who else should be nominated for buckskin?

Taxes

There is a big disagreement on this one in camp. Captn Rob is a believer in the “Fair Tax” Wilderness Doug is not. We will discuss this more fully at camp.

World Oil Demand and Supply

This topic plays to Wilderness Doug’s strength as he works in the oil industry. The god Captn has uncoverd information that indicates that oil is a renewable resource. I can already feel the disdain that will be piled on me for this one!

National Health Care.

Does anyone really have a clue on this one? I feel government needs to stay out of it. WD feels government is the answer. Bla, Bla, Bla…

Mike Huckabee See Taxes

Sports Tom Brady, New England Patriots, and why we hate them. Indianapolis Colts, Chicago Bears, and why we love them and are disappointed by them.

George Bush, war, and all the rest, I will report on on Monday. Have a good weekend. I’ll check in on Monday!

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It’s Camping Time

Posted on December 5, 2007. Filed under: General Posts | Tags: , , , , , |

YES!!!

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It’s camping time!!!

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Tom Brady, Satan’s rump rider escapes again!

Posted on December 4, 2007. Filed under: Captn Rob Rant's, General Posts | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , |

Greetings Campers,

Just sitting here in my trusty Coleman camp chair, sipping some Millstone coffee, and wondering…Why Lord Why!!! You can’t really let the little weasel, his cheating coach and assorted other miscreants go undefeated!!!852383029_9eeb4314d4.jpgYes the hated New England Patriots sneaked by the Ravens.

Ray Lewis where were you last night? We need a slobbering junk yard dog to take a bite of of the evil Tom Brady.

Hopeful the Steelers can come through!

Well here are a few links to other like minded Brady haters. This first one is weak, but it has a great picture of Jessica Simpson.

Stop back to ihatetombrady.com Always funny. I also swiped borrowed this next visual off the site. As a camper the whole ethics of what “is, is” and when something “is” someone else’s “is” somewhat vague. So I fell back to Camp Law #1. So in the event that the “borrowing” of this image is inappropriate, please visit ihatetomebrady.com and buy some merchandise when it becomes available.coffee.jpgI thought this image is so appropriate for Winter Campers.

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Wilderness Doug weighs in on below freezing…

Posted on November 30, 2007. Filed under: Wilderness Doug's Wisdom | Tags: , , , , , , , , , |

Greetings Campers,

Wilderness Doug checked in with more wisdom.

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Cap,

The other innovation from that camp was the beer slushy. I remember having to strain the ice crystals through the teeth to get to the golden necture. I think the unbreakable egg was also invented at that camp. Just get the Kinsu out and peel it like a potato. I believe I used 2 as ice cubes for the morning Jack and coffee. Week to Pre-Camp, brushing up on the Robert’s rulle of Order, Put gas line antifreeze in the 4 wheeler, run a gear check on Thursday, Forage of friday.

WD

Wilderness Doug – November 30, 2007 at 9:44 am

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Coors launches below freezing beer???

Posted on November 29, 2007. Filed under: Camp Fire Chats | Tags: , , , , , , , |

A beer that is served below freezing?????

Greetings Campers,

Thats right. A beer thats served below freezing. The good Captn has found some information tha Coors Brewing company UK has developed a beer that when served is colder than freezing. See linked info Now I don’t know about the rest of you, but keeping beer below freezing is not usually a problem for winter campers.

During Winter Camp III we had temperatures drop down to negative 10 degrees. During that camp we built a fire that was chest high and kept it blazing all night. We had to take our beers and form a ring around the fire and turn them occasionally to keep them from freezing solid. This technique worked out quite well. The only draw back was that in order to open said beers, one would need to remove ones gloves. If one was not careful one could find ones self attached to said beer can. The other problem that presented itself was the occasional need to return a beer to nature. This was Winter Camp III and we were still suffering from what is known as young and dumb. It never occurred to us that when nature called, leaving a beer by the fire would be ok. So all of us at one point wondered from the fire carrying an open beer, to answer the call of nature. This is where all of that science stuff we were supposed to learn in school would have been helpful. If you take a near freezing beer, stumble away from the fire into the negative ten degree woods, set down beer on cold stump, take care of business, stumble back towards fire and then take a drink of the beer, something happens. That something is not good. A below freezing beer can when touched to a warm lip has a tendency to freeze to that lip. After losing a couple layers of lip skin we all learned to warm the spot you planned on taking a drink from and testing before taking a long swig of beer.

So Coors your too late. Winter Campers were serving below freezing beer over twenty years ago.

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Wilderness Doug and the woe of camper Buck…

Posted on November 28, 2007. Filed under: Wilderness Doug's Wisdom | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , |

Greetings Campers,

Senior camper Wilderness Doug and yours truly have been discussing the status of our current crop of rookies. It has come to my attention that Camp Dork/Former first year man JaysonCamp Dork

has started doing what we senior campers call “The Waffle”. As grizzled veterans of camping in the winter, we have seen it all before. Some of you sissies might call this an intervention, but we campers just call it, setting some panty waist straight.

I am going to reprint for you some earlier comments between Wilderness Doug and the good Captn. These comments will explain much.

Wilderness Doug says….
Cap,

Yesterday I was thinking about this camp as it rained all morning. Excellent timing. I think of a couple of innovations that came from this one.
1. Rain fly or tarp is always on the pack list, even if it is below zero. Even if it does not rain the tarp can still be used to wrap frozen corpes for the drag out at the end of camp.
2. Rubber boots are far superior than leather under these conditions.
3. If you are a rookie or low man, you should always make sure that senior camper booze is available.

About 10 days to pre-camp. Remember this is a self forage camp. Any status on Rookie Jason? Any patch ideas? Right now I just have the 2 made camper patches from 07′.

WD
Wilderness Doug – November 27, 2007 at 9:48 am

Captn Rob responds…

Wilderness Doug,

I have sad news to report. Camp Dork/ Former first year man Jayson may be turning to the “BUCKSIDE” I know what your thinking…. I thought we had eradicated this menace to campers years ago in a land far far away. But it has returned.

Camp Dork/Former first year man Jayson has started the waffle. He is bringing up some lame excuse about “the girlfriends” company Christmas party. Isn’t this how we lost Buck? First it was Buck giving up on the long rambling tirades about “The Greatest Company Ever” Cummings! Then he missed one pre-camp. Soon he missed a Winter Camp Actual. Busted in rank and eventually lost entirely.

It’s too difficult for the Captn to recount the tragedy of Buck. If you have it in you Wilderness Doug… Would you recount for Camp Dork/Former first year man Jayson the sad tale of Buck when he followed “the girlfriend” out of state?

Captn Rob – November 27, 2007 at 12:51 pm

Wilderness Doug responds with this wisdom…

Cap,

The Buckwheat saga is a sad one and should be a lesson to all campers.

The tale begins with Buck at the ripe old age of 30 finally getting a girlfriend. The fact it took this long is not surprising if you know Buck. The gal was at least 15 years older than Buck and he felt that true love had finally found a way into his backpack. After a few years his dreamboat decided she was going to move to Texas. Buck, who had a good job with “The worlds greatest company” decided he would go with her. He quits the job and moves to Texas and buys a house. Once down there she decides she wants to go to school to get a teaching degree. Buck cashs out his 401K and retirement and funds the education. (You see where this is going). Once the degree is in hand she decides that maybe Buck isn’t the one for her. She dumps Buck and disappears. Buck grovels to her parents to try and get her back but to no avail. Broken and beaten, Buck returns home and is destin to live a miserable lonely life.

So, young camper Jayson, let this be a lesson. Life will throw many twists and turns at you. Camp is the one steady, consistant bedrock you can count on. Unless your said girlfriend comes with a chain of family liquior stores, a good string of bird dogs, telescoping legs, a nice boat, is mute, looks good in buckskin, and a couple of good ponds then take heed. If she does come with all the above……does she have a sister?

WD

Wilderness Doug – November 28, 2007 at 9:59 am

Camp Dork/ Former first year man Jayson, Take heed of the wisdom of Wilderness Doug. I will show you the last picture we had of camper Buck when he returned a battered and broken 36 year old.images.jpeg

Don’t let Buck happen to you!

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You Might Be A Camper If…..

Posted on November 28, 2007. Filed under: General Posts | Tags: , , , , , , , |

Greetings Campers,Tough call on this one… Camper or RND candidate? Corny, This ones for you!

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Hey Wilderness Doug…

Posted on November 27, 2007. Filed under: Captn Rob Rant's | Tags: , , , , , |

Greetings Campers,

When you are a winter camper, sometimes you do things just for your own amusement. Today is one of those times.

This post is mainly for the campers, but some of you may find the video amusing as well.

Wilderness Doug,I had this video sent to me from an anonymous source at Camp Site 1. I believe it is a response to your comments on camper Corny’s little war on WMD’s. (See comments on the “Can you hate Tom Brady too much” post) It looks as though Corny’s war is getting some traction. Some celebrity backers are coming to his defense. See what you think?

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