Gone Campin!!!

Posted on December 7, 2007. Filed under: Camping | Tags: , , |

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Wilderness Doug and the woe of camper Buck…

Posted on November 28, 2007. Filed under: Wilderness Doug's Wisdom | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , |

Greetings Campers,

Senior camper Wilderness Doug and yours truly have been discussing the status of our current crop of rookies. It has come to my attention that Camp Dork/Former first year man JaysonCamp Dork

has started doing what we senior campers call “The Waffle”. As grizzled veterans of camping in the winter, we have seen it all before. Some of you sissies might call this an intervention, but we campers just call it, setting some panty waist straight.

I am going to reprint for you some earlier comments between Wilderness Doug and the good Captn. These comments will explain much.

Wilderness Doug says….
Cap,

Yesterday I was thinking about this camp as it rained all morning. Excellent timing. I think of a couple of innovations that came from this one.
1. Rain fly or tarp is always on the pack list, even if it is below zero. Even if it does not rain the tarp can still be used to wrap frozen corpes for the drag out at the end of camp.
2. Rubber boots are far superior than leather under these conditions.
3. If you are a rookie or low man, you should always make sure that senior camper booze is available.

About 10 days to pre-camp. Remember this is a self forage camp. Any status on Rookie Jason? Any patch ideas? Right now I just have the 2 made camper patches from 07′.

WD
Wilderness Doug – November 27, 2007 at 9:48 am

Captn Rob responds…

Wilderness Doug,

I have sad news to report. Camp Dork/ Former first year man Jayson may be turning to the “BUCKSIDE” I know what your thinking…. I thought we had eradicated this menace to campers years ago in a land far far away. But it has returned.

Camp Dork/Former first year man Jayson has started the waffle. He is bringing up some lame excuse about “the girlfriends” company Christmas party. Isn’t this how we lost Buck? First it was Buck giving up on the long rambling tirades about “The Greatest Company Ever” Cummings! Then he missed one pre-camp. Soon he missed a Winter Camp Actual. Busted in rank and eventually lost entirely.

It’s too difficult for the Captn to recount the tragedy of Buck. If you have it in you Wilderness Doug… Would you recount for Camp Dork/Former first year man Jayson the sad tale of Buck when he followed “the girlfriend” out of state?

Captn Rob – November 27, 2007 at 12:51 pm

Wilderness Doug responds with this wisdom…

Cap,

The Buckwheat saga is a sad one and should be a lesson to all campers.

The tale begins with Buck at the ripe old age of 30 finally getting a girlfriend. The fact it took this long is not surprising if you know Buck. The gal was at least 15 years older than Buck and he felt that true love had finally found a way into his backpack. After a few years his dreamboat decided she was going to move to Texas. Buck, who had a good job with “The worlds greatest company” decided he would go with her. He quits the job and moves to Texas and buys a house. Once down there she decides she wants to go to school to get a teaching degree. Buck cashs out his 401K and retirement and funds the education. (You see where this is going). Once the degree is in hand she decides that maybe Buck isn’t the one for her. She dumps Buck and disappears. Buck grovels to her parents to try and get her back but to no avail. Broken and beaten, Buck returns home and is destin to live a miserable lonely life.

So, young camper Jayson, let this be a lesson. Life will throw many twists and turns at you. Camp is the one steady, consistant bedrock you can count on. Unless your said girlfriend comes with a chain of family liquior stores, a good string of bird dogs, telescoping legs, a nice boat, is mute, looks good in buckskin, and a couple of good ponds then take heed. If she does come with all the above……does she have a sister?

WD

Wilderness Doug – November 28, 2007 at 9:59 am

Camp Dork/ Former first year man Jayson, Take heed of the wisdom of Wilderness Doug. I will show you the last picture we had of camper Buck when he returned a battered and broken 36 year old.images.jpeg

Don’t let Buck happen to you!

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Blechkk!!!

Posted on November 27, 2007. Filed under: General Posts | Tags: , , , , , , |

Greetings Campers,

Already sucked down two pots of piping hot Good to the last drop Maxwell House coffee, and it didn’t help.

Grumpy and uninspired today.So I’m going to steal a play out of Scott Adams play book and not put any effort into todays post.

Here is a pretty picture and a replay of The Beer Diet. Enjoy!

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Honorary Camper Named…

Posted on November 16, 2007. Filed under: General Posts | Tags: , , , , , , , , |

Campers,

I have held an emergency meeting of camp council to elect a new honorary camper. A Mr. J-Goo has placed a comment on our A-Rod or A-Hole post and I am so impressed with his writing style that I am reproducing it below. Prepare to be dazzled. I now present honorary camper J-Goo….

“Well,

In my most humbled of opinions, the simple answer is this: Barry. Why? Well, let’s take a quick look at the simplest of factors…the names so commonly used that there are in this post an amazing 7 times….A-Rod and Barry.

First we’ll look at A-Rod. As we all know, it is short for “Alexander Emmanuel Rodriguez”. Wow…now that’s a proud name. Alexander (like the Great), Emmanuel (like the savior), and Rodriguez (like the Mexican). Now immagine you had to spend most of your life with your name being reduced to something like “A-Rod”. I know that if I was out to dinner with Cynthia Scurtisand (Mr. Rodriguez’s wife, for the “campers” who don’t know) and someone woman called me a rod, I would assume her name is Cinthya Untburger and shorten her name the same way she has mine. To me, the hardships alone should be worth 25 million a year from G-Sti.

Now, let’s look at the name Barry, which is short for “Barry Lamar Bonds”. That’s right folks, Lamar. Judging from that name, it’s easy to know why he is called “Barry”. It’s just so easy. It’s his name. His mommy and daddy named him that. We don’t call him B-Bon. It’s just Barry. Granted, when I think of Barry, I immagine the fat ass plumber who lives down the street and hits on the 3rd grade girls as they get off the bus, but the hardships are not enough to bring about the response above.

So consider this…if you are out with your loved one, and someone comes up to you and calls you “A Rod”, you’d kick their bottom. Now, if the same person called you “Barry”, you would most likely correct them and move on with your life.

Thus, Barry is a bigger A-Hole.

Thank you, and goodnight.”

J-Goo – November 16, 2007 at 12:50 pm

It just brings a tear to ol Captn Robs eye.

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A-Rod or A-Hole?

Posted on November 16, 2007. Filed under: General Posts | Tags: , , , , , , , , |

A-Rod has had his people leak the information about a possible contract negotiation breakthrough with the Yankees. As reported by ESPN A-Rod has negotiated a 10 year 250 million dollar deal. Here is a quote by Mr Steinbrenner talking the hardship faced by A-Rod to take this deal. “There are a few cynics who say, ‘Well, he really couldn’t get this there,’ ” Steinbrenner said. “Trust me, he would have gotten probably more. He is making a sacrifice to be a Yankee, there’s no question. … He showed what was really in his heart and what he really wanted.”

The way I see it is the massive A-Rod ego couldn’t even let Barry have his day in the spot light. Even if the spot light is the blindingly bright light of Justice.

Question for the campers. Who’s the bigger A-Hole? Barry or A-Rod??????

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Will Barry Bonds miss Pre-Camp 07?

Posted on November 16, 2007. Filed under: General Posts | Tags: , , , , , |

Greetings campers,

Barry Bonds was indicted for perjury and obstruction of justice yesterday. His indictment made the front page on ESPN on-line. Here is a link to another story on ESPN about Bonds.

Bad new for Bonds. Now not only are people talking of jail time for the unpopular slugger, the pundants asking how this will affect his Hall of Fame status, but his legal woes could keep him from attending Winter Pre-Camp 07.

What say you campers? If Mr. Bonds is indicted, but not yet convicted, will we allow him to attend Winter Pre-Camp 07 should his busy court schedule allow?

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Spadout.com

Posted on November 8, 2007. Filed under: Product Reviews | Tags: , , , , , |

Greeting Campers,

I am adding a new site to the blogroll today. Spadout.com They claim to shop for all the best bargains, so I don’t have to. Well, we will see about that!! They also give anyone shopping there the ability to do a review of their products. As most campers have an ample supply of oppinions I thought you might enjoy this on line store.

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Who’s a winter camper?

Posted on October 20, 2007. Filed under: Random thoughts from an idle mind | Tags: , , , , , , |

Way back in the far reaches of time, there were a couple of regular guys. This was so long ago that there were no Motorola cell phones, No Blackberry’s, No IPods, No Dell Laptop Computers, Apple was a fruit. Bill Gates was still unknown. McDonald’s still served sandwiches in Styrofoam. Coke, and Budwiser cans still had pull tabs. No-one had heard of a CD let alone Blueray. A 26″ RCA was a big screen TV. Only women drank Tab. It was an analog world and these two were a couple of analog guys.

Doug Lemond was a former high school baseball player married to his high school sweetheart with a new born daughter. He worked at a shoe store which at that time was called The Athlete’s Foot. It later became known as the Finish Line. At “The Foot as we called it then, Doug met Rob Wagoner, (That’s me, your charming and delightful blogger) and they struck up a friendship.

Rob had just started dating a girl who would eventually become his wife. She probably already knew that, but like all regular guys Rob didn’t have a clue. The two couples would get together every so often and drink wine and play cards. Doug and Rob would also go out on occasion for a few of their favorite adult beverages. Somehow, much to their dismay, Rob and Doug found themselves in hot water with the spouse and future spouse each time they went out on their own. Being logical (Cause they are guys), and being guys they decided to come up with a plan. They would do something, that would be fun, where they could invite the girls, and still have a 100% chance that the girls would give their blessing and not want to go. After a few adult beverages they came up with their ingenious plan. Let’s go camping in February!!! Tada!

The next time all four were back together, Doug and Rob announced their camping plan. It was received by the women (at first) in the exact way our two heros thought it would be received. They invited the women to go camping and were told in no uncertain terms no way were they going camping when it was cold. This is where things started to go wrong. I don’t think i mentioned it before, but Doug’s beautiful wife who I dearly love and respect, Angie, is evil. Not just a little evil, a lot evil, and smart. Not a good combination if you are married to her or hang out with the guy who is married to her. You see the ingenious part of Doug and Rob’s plan was that they would spend a number of evenings with the guys having adult beverages “planning” the camping trip. If they had enough of these “planning” meetings the spouse and future spouse would see these as part of the normal routine and Doug and Rob would then stay out of hot water. If they planned long enough the weather would turn moderate before they actually went camping. As I mentioned, Angie is evil. She is also smart. She knew that if she called Doug’s manhood into question, she could force him to do something he wasn’t planning on doing. (Like camping in February) So the next time the group was together, Angie started in with when are you two sissys going camping. Real men would go on the coldest weekend of the year. You know the drill. Those kind of challenges can’t be ignored. That type of challenge has to be taken, so we went.

Everyone thought we were nuts, including us. No one died, or froze. We had bad equipment. We had a great time. That is how winter camping started and Wilderness Doug and Captn Rob were created.

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    There is a fine line between bravery and stupidity, and we are stomping all over it.

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